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09 June 2010

EAH chapter 6

***6***

There are some things, na tanging tayo lang ang dapat na nakakaalam, we call it secrets. We don’t want others to know these things dahil embarrassed tayo, or feeling natin, mas magiging maayos ang buhay natin kung hindi to malalaman ng iba. But what if, yung secret na yun, ang maging dahilan para maging miserable ang buhay mo? What if instead of happiness, pain pala ang dala nila sayo.

I never meant to know those secrets, masyado lang talaga akong mausisa kaya nabunyag sakin yung mga sikreto ng nakaraan. If she have a million questions inside her mind, I might be the only person who have the answers she might needed, answers she wanted, pero never niyang nakuha.

“You should look for a new hiding place, delikado yung mga pagkain mo dun, pinaalam mo pa kasi sakin yung grocery store mo sa loob ng kwarto.” She sat beside me and opened her can of coke.

“Yeah, I should relocate. Do you mind kung itago ko muna sa kwarto mo habang naghahanap ako ng ibang pagtataguan?” she smiled, tapos binatukan ako.

“OUCH! What was that for?”
“Kiel, pwede bang magtanong? Pero sana seryosohin mo yung pagsagot mo.”
“Nagtatanong ka na nga eh.” Tumingin siya ng masama sakin tapos tumuloy na siya sa tanong niya. Well, im kind of prepared for this. Hindi rin naman maiiwasan tong topic na to.

“what’s your favorite color?” natawa naman ako. Kamoteng to, akala ko kung anu na.
“orange, you?”
“green.” Nakasimangot siya.
“spill the beans Eah, what’s your real question?”

“I know na may alam ka sa nakaraan ng pamilya mo, at ng pamilya ko. I want to know, kung may alam ka about sa Daddy ko.” Nakayuko siya habang nagtatanong, tumingin lang ako sa dagat.

“remember the end of my story yesterday?”
“yeah, nasagasaan ng kotse si Dexter.”

“Yeah, exactly, the guy that drives the car is your Dad. That was the day na nalaman naming lahat yung totoong story sa nakaraan ng parents natin.
Earl is standing at the middle of the road, your Dad is drunk, well, Earl is drunk too. Mabilis yung pangyayari. Nung sinugod sa ospital si Dexter, I saw Tito inside his car, crying. Tinanong ko sya kung bakit, sabi niya sakin “hijo, there are some things, na tanging tayo lang ang dapat na nakakaalam, we call it secrets. We don’t want others to know these things dahil embarrassed tayo, or feeling natin, mas magiging maayos ang buhay natin kung hindi to malalaman ng iba. But secrets ruined my life Exekiel, it ruined my family’s lives, my son’s life.” Then, umiyak siya ulit. Lumapit samin si Earl. At that time, ang alam ko lang, step dad siya ni Earl, so I thought si Earl yung tinutukoy niya. I asked Earl kung anong nangyayari, coz im really confused. He told me that I should wait, whatever happens, I should wait for others to tell me everything, so I waited.
Sinundo ako ni Dad at inuwi na sa bahay, before I went to my room, pinaupo niya ako sa sala.
“Everything is messed up Kiel, and I want to tell you everything pero hindi ako ang dapat magsabi sayo. Ang pwede ko lang sabihin sayo ay kung anong nangyari kay Earl.”
“What happened Dad?”
“Si Tito Daniel mo, may family siya noon sa Manila na iniwan niya. And walang may alam na magkikita sila dito ng anak niya. Dexter and Claire were his kids. At dahil nga anak ni Tito Daniel mo si Claire, at anak anakan din niya si Earl…” he trailed off.
“Would it be incest kung magkatuluyan sila Earl at ate Claire?” they’re not blood related.

“Nope, hindi incest yun Kiel, pero si Tita Bea mo, she sort of…hated Daniel’s first family. So she told Earl to break up with Claire coz it doesn’t look good kung ipagpapatuloy nila yun. Daniel heard everything and got drunk. He can’t believe na ganun si Bea, pati yung relasyon ng anak nila pinapakielaman niya. He was supposed to go home pero nasagasaan niya si Dexter. And that’s all.”

Nagulat ako nung biglang bumukas yung pinto at dumating si Tito Daniel at Tita Bea, they were arguing about something na hindi ko masyadong maintindihan.

“I don’t care about your daughter, I care about my son. She is not the right girl for Earl.” Sabi ni Tita Bea.
“And I don’t care about your son too! Hindi mo dapat kinokontrol yung mga bagay na tungkol sa kanila. God damn it Bea! Ang tanda na nila para i-guide sa kung sino ang tamang tao para sa kanila!” Tumalikod kami ni Dad, hindi dapat kami nakikinig kaso pareho naman kaming interesado sa susunod na pangyayari kaya hindi na kami umalis.

“And God damn it too Dan! Anak mo yun dun sa dati mong asawa! And guess what, anak ko yung pinag-uusapan dito! Isn’t it weird na pinagtatalunan pa natin to, it’s incest!”
“No it isn’t. They’re not blood related!”
“Whatever Dan, pero isa lang ang sinisigurado ko sayo, your children will be out of this house immediately or else,”
“Or else what?”
“Or else, you’ve got to leave. Choose, it’s either your kids or me!”

Hindi na kinaya ni Tito Daniel yung nangyayari, as soon as nakaakyat siya ng kwarto niya, he packed his things and took off. We’ve never seen him again since then. Hindi ako yung tamang tao para magsabi sayo nung sumunod na nangyari, pero if you really want something, you should learn to be patient. Wait for them to tell you.”

Pinunasan niya yung pisngi niya gamit yung panyo niya. Umiiyak ba siya? I didn’t mean to make her cry. Masakit man tanggapin, alam kong ready na siyang malaman yung totoo about sa dad niya. Hindi yung nabubuhay siya sa pagaakalang patay na yung amang hindi man lang niya nakilala. She deserves to know everything. But not now, definitely not now.

I tried to change the subject para maiwasan na yung mga tanong niya, pero hindi ko naman nagustuhan yung unang lumabas sa bibig ko.

“so… kamusta na kayo ng boyfriend mo?”
“excuse me?”

I caught her off guard. Hindi matutuwa si Dexter pag nalaman niyang pinamimigay ko yung kapatid niya dun sa lokong yun. Unang beses pa lang kaming nagkita ni Dex sinabi na niyang magugustuhan ko yung bunso nila. I never though he would be this freaking right. Nasa akin nga ang boto ni Dexter, pero hindi yung puso ni Eah, still useless.

“You and Ryan, diba sabi mo kayo pa? How are you to doing? Going strong?” I totally screwed up. Bakit ba ganito ako ngayon? Must be the weather, I never loved clouds in the middle of summer. Sabay kaming tumingala, and unfortunately, I got hurt by what she said next.

“Hmm, Ryan, were doing great. Actually isasama daw niya ko sa party mamaya sa beach. You’ll come right?” tumingin ako sa kanya. Is she actually expecting me to go to a party? Hindi ako “party guy” type. I’ve always been weird in the eyes of others. Another reason why I’ve never had a girlfriend, no one wants a wierdo. I’ll never go to a party like that.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll be there.” Is it me, or my alter ego? Geez… wala ka na bang tamang sasabihin ngayong araw na to?

“Talaga? Buti naman, akala ko mao-OP lang ako dun. At least may makakausap akong kakilala.” Edi sana di ka na lang nagpunta kung ayaw mo rin pala makipagusap sa di mo kilala.

“Coz you know Kiel, I’ve never been the “party girl” type. I even hate parties.” Parang narinig ko na yun? Eh bakit pa siya pupunta?

“Eh bakit ka pa pupunta?” nakakairita din tong babaeng to ha. She’ll go to a party tonight kahit ayaw niya sa parties? Ano kaya yun? adik ka Eah?

“Gusto kong mapalapit ulit kay Ryan, and he’s a party guy type. Wala naman akong magagawa kung gusto niya pumunta. I want to earn his trust too. I want him to know na he could lean on me.”

Pumalakpak ako. “Very well said Ms. Mendoza, would you like me to stand up to show my appreciation on you very pleasant speech?” imagine na british accent ako niyan.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” Sumeryoso na ko ulit. May mood swings ako these past few days. Isisisi ko na lang ulit sa weather. I never loved clouds in the middle of summer.

“The hell, I wanna go! Tsaka kahit ayaw ko pa, I’ll still be there for him.”

Wow. Unrequitted love talaga yung meron siya sa ungas na yun no? Hindi ko alam kung ano yung nararamdaman ko, pero parang gusto kong mahulugan ng 50 pounds na bato ngayon. I looked at her, she looked at me. Nagtitigan lang kami hanggang sa umayaw na siya.

“I’ll still go kahit na ayoko sa parties. And what do you care? It’s my goddamn freakin personal life” Hindi ko namalayang palubog na pala yung araw, napansin ko lang nung tumingin ako sa kanya at napapalibutan ng color orange yung silhouette niya. I hate orange from now on.

Another sunset na kasama ko siya. It’s getting late kaya tumayo na ko para umalis. There’s no point in arguing with her. Hindi naman ako mananalo dun sa ever-so-loved niyang boyfriend. And in the first place, sino ba ko? Ano bang pakielam ko sa personal life niya?

“Im just the music lover wierdo na mahilig mamigay ng butter bicuits at coke in can. What do I care about you?” tumakbo na ko ng mabilis na mabilis, hindi ko na tinignan kung sinundan ba niya ko o nag-stay lang siya, pero ang alam kong humabol sakin eh si Ryan. Nahuli kasi niya ko.

“Hey, sandali lang. Bakit mo tinatakbuhan si Jay? What happened bro?” akala mo naman concerned siya kay Eah, halata namang nagpapanggap lang siya. Makakahanap din ako ng baho mo Ryan, maghintay ka lang!

“Get. Your. Hands. Off. Of. Me.” tumingin ako ng masama sa kanya.
“Hey, hey, chill lang dude. Kung galit ka sa bruhang yun, I don’t care. Nabangga mo lang ako kaya pinigilan kita.” Anong tinawag niya kay Eah? I thought he likes her?
“I thought she’s your girlfriend?” nahuhuli ka sa mga sinasabi mo Ryan.
“She is. Pero I don’t really love her. Kahit noon, madalas akong makipagdate sa iba kahit kami pa. Bakit dude? Type mo? Come on dude, who likes a wierdo?” that’s it! Im gonna kill this guy!
“Really? Ibig sabihin ba nun I could do this?” sinapak ko siya sa mukha. Hindi ako violent na tao, pero pinilit niya ko. Nagsapakan lang kami, may mga nagpustahan pa nga, kaso umawat na sila Earl, Dexter at Felix. Wala akong laban sa tatlong yun, ang laki ng katawan nung mga yun. Puro dugo na yung mukha ni Ryan at nakahiga siya sa sahig, I guess ganun din itsura ko.

“What the heck were you thinking? Gusto mo bang mapa-pulis ka pa dahil sinapak mo siya?” sermon ni Earl. Great! Ipapapulis ako nung sarili kong pinsan! Yung ga*ong yun ang dapat pinapa-pulis!

Dumating si Eah sa scene, hindi pa niya alam kung anong nangyari, pero dahil nakita niyang nakahiga sa sahig si Ryan, sakin na naman napunta ang sisi.

“Ano bang problema mo Kiel? Bakit mo ba pinag-iinitan si Ryan?” sinigawan niya ko. Hindi ako makasagot. Hindi naman siya maniniwala sakin, ganun naman yung mangyayari. Mas makakabuti kung mananahimik na lang. Kaso hindi nanahimik yung mokong.

“Bigla na lang niya kong sinuntok. Nagseselos ata sating dalawa, bakit daw ba bumalik pa ko. Sabi ko sa kanya mahal kita pero ayaw niyang maniwala.” What a great story. Gusto ko na ulit manapak.

“Sinungaling ka! Ang sabi mo kanina you don’t like her at sabi mo wala namang magkakagusto sa wierdo.” Oh no, I lost it.

“I don’t care kung anong sinabi mo o kung anong sinabi niya. The point is nanakit ka. I thought iba ka ka. Now, I don’t even know kung ano pang tingin ko sayo.” Inalalayan niya patayo si Ryan tapos naglakad na sila. I need to clear everything, hindi siya dapat magstay kasama ni Ryan.

“Eah wait!” huminto siya, pero hindi siya lumingon.

“Stay away from me Kiel, stay away from us!” then, she left.

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